Do you ever get that feeling that you might not see or do everything you want to in life? That every day you need to fill your time with as many new and interesting things as possible? And if you don’t you get fidgety and restless? Well I do. I call this FOND: Fear of not doing!
I haven’t always been like this. I used to be a ‘waiter’, the one who got invited, the kind of girl that joined in and didn’t lead her life the way she wanted to. A few years ago that started to change.
When I hit my thirties I experienced the loss of both family members and friends, I got diagnosed with a brain tumour and made the decision to cut off the most significant person in my life, my mum. Each of these had a massive impact on who I am today and inspite of the tragedy in each of them they have shaped and guided my present and my future.
In 2010, I got on a plane alone destined for Costa Rica to join a tour around the country. A journey self discovery and finding new and amazing friendships which I value dearly. This was the first of many positive steps that led me to be confident enough to travel entirely on my own to Copenhagen in April this year.
In that same year I ran my first half marathon in London. Determined I was going to do what others could not, I pushed on through and carry that with me every time I step out on the road. I’ve not completed two marathons and entered a third.
When it comes to going out, that one is little more tricky. Social activities need to be just that, social. So you’re bound by schedules, families and interests. To add to this, I’m isually so busy running around I forget to look for cool stuff to do in the now and focus on the big trips. Or I take myself to galleries or parks on my own at the weekends – which I love by the way and would recommend to everyone as what I’ve now recognised as ‘walking mediation’ thanks to my little yoga retreat. Lately I’ve found people in my life that have been open to new things from mosaic classes to immersive theatre. I’m not saying friends weren’t open to things before. They were and I’ve done some incredible things here in London and beyond. It just feels like I’m doing more things that are ‘me’ right now.
FOND is the single most exhausting thing in my life but the most treasured addiction I have. Why? Because without FOND, I’d be sat at home in front of the telly all the time, sleeping, wasting my life and denying myself the opportunity to be me.
I’m at my best when I’m doing stuff. When I’m living and breathing and experiencing new moments.
Yes, I admit I’m also an oversharer of those moments via posts on social media but it’s not to boast or show off, its to share my world. Which funnily enough is exactly what I’m doing right now in this blog post and my other blog Project 35.
So let me ask you now, do you have FOND too?