The Relationship Status Update

Single, Married, Kids? Does my relationship status matter? 

I’ve had a bit of a bee in my bonnet for a while now about my relationship status and the way it’s effecting my social circles, my family time and my day-to-day life. You see, my relationship status might not have changed but as I enter into my mid-thirties what is changing is it’s context. So what better place to talk about it than here on Steph’s Bubble.

While it goes without saying that I love my friends and family very much, we’re at a time in our lives when we’re all moving in new directions and learning to adapt to each other in our new state of play.

Single and Awesome

Bridget Jones wanted a husband. I’ll settle for happiness.

Single woman of my age tend to be viewed as a bit ‘Bridget Jones’. While I can be just as daft or clueless as Bridget at times, have a tendency to hog the microphone at Karaoke log my life in a blog rather than a diary, what separates Bridget and I, is our ambitions. Bridget wanted a husband, a romance and a fairytale. I am just looking to maintain a lifestyle that keeps me happy, interested and interesting. All the rest is just icing and sprinkles on the top of my already pretty delicious cupcake of a life.

Bridget Jones

This is all perfectly acceptable to me but when your friends find love and start settling down to have kids, that’s when things start to change. The people are the same but the conversation is different.

What’s new? I love hearing the latest stories about their families, seeing my friends happy and exchanging advice and ideas with some of the Mumpreneurs.

What do I miss? Being about to talk about my job, travelling, the things I’ve seen and done without it feeling guilty about my freedom. Spontaneous nights out and being able to book time with friends without them consulting their other half or family diaries first.

What do I resent? The times when being 33, single and child-free seems to be a bit of a dirty word. The assumption that you are unhappy as you are, not trying hard enough to find a man or that you’ve sold your soul to your career and have no desire to have a family of your own. And I know for a fact that I not I’m not alone when I say, I absolutely hate hearing these words:

‘Have you tried internet dating? Loads of people meet that way now and you are always online. You should give it a go!’

Your relationship status doesn’t matter. Your happiness does.

Regardless as to whether I choose to keep my single status, my friends and I are all moving in new directions with our lives and things are constantly changing and evolving. We all look to each other in admiration of the things we’d like to have ourselves whether that’s the perfect handbag, man or baby is besides the point. What does matter is that in spite of the new parameters, my friends are my friends because they are awesome. And… being single is pretty awesome too!

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4 thoughts on “The Relationship Status Update

  1. Mama bubble says:

    Well said, you carry on being you, we are proud of all you have achieved and love hearing about your life, some people allow their lives to become narrow, keep yours as diverse as you want it to be.

  2. Mark Batchelor says:

    Aah! That ‘relationship status’ update on Facebook can cause so many problems, and dare I say choosing an option can send out all sorts of messages, which can be interpreted in so many different ways. In my opinion, best left private,

    I agree with you outlook Steph, surely being happy in your skin and fulfilling your potential in life is the most important thing. I’d also say that the judgement and pigeon-holing by others just doesn’t apply to 30 something ladies. As a guy being in his forties who came out of a marriage amicably, is fully independent, and spent several years as ‘single’ – people can very easily make incorrect assumptions. The fact that I don’t have kids or a partner means that I am not readily included in the circles that do, and yet when I am involved, people are amazed how well I integrate and get on so well with children of all ages – be it calming down their grizzly 10 month old who’s driven them to distraction the past few hours, entertaining their 7 year olds with silly jokes and stories, or being the ‘cool Mum’s/Dad’s friend’ who teenagers can relate to and talks about the latest music/fashion/celebrity/sport/techy stuff that renders their parents clueless. The reaction of the adults both amuses and saddens me – that sudden realisation that ‘you’re actually just like them’ in spite of not have the same relationship status. My view is embrace the diversity and the changing context of everyone’s lives around you. Most of us will go through many changes in our ‘status’ be it work, income, relationships, so surely people should be open enough to embrace that person whatever their status.

    Which, leads me to the online dating thing – dare I say one of the symptoms of the above. Having tried it, I can vouch that it can be a great way to introduce you to people with the same ‘status’ and that’s all it can ever promise to achieve. However, it is a jungle, with all types living there. The fascinating things about it is that introduces a ‘cart-before-the-horse’ mentality mixed with an ‘online shopping approach’ ( I want one in that size, shape, and colour, between x-y) – the outcome being, people with over-hyped expectations making snap-judgements of another from their first meeting, which they wouldn’t always normally do in real-life where meeting ‘that special someone’ can be a dawning realisation as you get to know a person over a period of time, and not just be ‘fireworks’ from day one.

    My take on this whole scenario – by being secure in yourself, adventurous, confident, and open to the world, we will discover the opportunities and people that will enhance our lives. Knowing that and living in this way is surely the key to life and a fulfilling existence. And you’re right, some days you’ll get the ‘icing’ and other days the ‘sprinkles’, and appreciating and seeing them for what are is also part of richness of our existence. 🙂

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